Pain and Agony, Relief and Choices
Last April, I had to visit the hospital for yet another surgery on cancer in my left arm and hand. It was not an easy surgery, as we had tried to cut the tumors away on two different occasions and it was only shortly after the previous set of three operations on the right hand. A big chunk of meat had to be cut away in order to exterminate the maleficent cells in the arm. I hoped this surgery would work, although I was already aware of the slow advance the cancer was making.
On the day I travelled to the Hospital I also heard a cancer that I detected, like always, had been confirmed and so my left leg also seemed to be another victim. It didn’t really help to motivate me for my arm-surgery, as I knew the next one would be already underway.
I had to stay in the UMCG (Univeristy Hospital of the city of Groningen) for about two days to complete the surgery. Because of its size I couldn’t bring the Vapo along easily and I did not have the AroMed yet (getting back to you about that one soon) so I took my regular joints in this case. To be honest, smoking some weed now and then did not only soothe the pain a bit and helped me sleep in the hospital, it also gave me a valid reason to sneak outside quite often. I must say that hospital walls tend to close in on me pretty fast. The more white I see around me, the less happy I become.
However, I did of course tell a lot of people about my Vapo-experimnt and experienced that a lot of people working at the hospital would be interested to know more about it. So, when I get my energy back I’m going to take it up with the Professor on EB to make this a totally acknowledged painkiller for EB-related issues, without having to smoke it like I still do sometimes.
When I got home I started feeling better by the day, although I was still tired quite often. Around this same time a nasty pain inside my right-thumb started to increase. This in combination with bad results that came back from the last surgery left me in a bit of a predicament. My left arm still contained two spots of evil cells, my right thumb was definitely not okay and my leg was confirmed ‘bad’ just before my arrival in Groningen.
It brought me back to my most basic principle in life: ‘to be or not to be’ …and personally I wanted ‘to be’ able to live with relatively high quality of life. By going in and out the hospital for the last three years I wasn’t exactly doing a good job, except postponing the inevitable. So, after quite some deliberation, I decided to enjoy a full summer in Amsterdam. Leave the worrying and countless next surgeries for afterwards. I always profoundly stated that enjoying your life is way more important than the amount of years you have. Besides, I didn’t enjoy a proper summer in Amsterdam since I moved here, as all summers were interrupted.
But, with postponing my surgeries to September, I risk the fact that the cancer might be spreading and with the current state of affairs it became clear to me to I had to have a way to fight the (sometimes pretty intense) pain. I could not totally do without some additional painkillers, but mostly the weed and some paracetamol did the job. I did however make a new discovery. When using more weed combined with tobacco, I started to get more intense pain in the end. But that did not happen when I used the weed with the Vapo or Aromed! Could it be that the combination of weed and tobacco did this?
I’ve tested this for some time now and I can honestly say that so far that seems to be the case. Of course I’m hardly a scientist and I have to try it a bit longer. But still, these are promising results.
Next time I’ll fill you in on my progress with the Aromed, another vaporizer that had been given to me to test. A quite interesting little thing, I can tell you!